i don't know how to feel today.... sad... cold... numb... tired... angry... empty... void.
i'm filled with emotions so deep that i know not how to set free.
i'm filled with a deep deep sadness and a silent rage.
but it's more than that really..... it is so much more.
there are so many questions now that can never be answered.
so many things that will never be resolved... so many words i can never say.
twelve years have gone by and it still hurts so much.
why didn't you love me? why couldn't you let yourself love me?
i try to think back.. were there glimpses.. was there ever a time?
i don' t know... i really don't know.
i think of you so often these days... seemingly insignificant moments take me back.
i struggle to try to find the good memories... I need them to hold on to.
... yet the reality of what was pulls me in a different direction.
i lay here waiting as you lay there dying
i know not what else to do.
