Do I have words to express all the emotions?

i reach inside myself
and one by one
open all the drawers that i have kept locked

and once again i let myself feel...

happy. excited. sad. sorry. empty. loving. fearful. guilty. joyous. angry. confused. betrayed. frustrated. melancholic. ecstatic. overwhelmed. calm. drained. productive. peaceful. nostalgic. scared. loved. hated. depressed. exhausted. crazy. thankful. hopeful.

i do not know what to do with all that i feel. i no longer know how to express. i don't know who i can trust with which emotions... i no longer know who i can turn to. i am facing the biggest change in my life and am filled with so many emotions.

mostly i am excited for the future. i am happy about the challenges before me. i am thankful for all those who helped me on this journey.. those that helped me to finally let go of my fears and move forward in my life.

in moving forward there is always the sadness of what we are leaving behind. i know that my friends who are important will not disappear just because there will be 2000 miles separating us now. yet, there will be sadness in the 2000 miles... no more walks to meet for breakfast on a sunday morning. no more coffees. just lots of phone calls and emails for a little while.

life changes so quickly... this is what i have realized lately. the potential always exists for such change... and when we embrace it instead of running from it, that is when we really begin to grow.

The blink of an eye

There are so many thoughts I have in my head these days. I think so often how life can change in the blink of an eye. Literally. Sometimes it is within our control.. sometimes much beyond us. And I think about how that moment… that blink…. can change the path of the rest of our lives…

It doesn't have to be something earth shattering. In fact, it rarely is. It could be just a moment like any other.. perhaps we don't even recognize it as it is happening. It could be a stranger we pass on the street.. that moment we catch their eye. And all the potential in the world exists in that moment when your eyes meet. And then you pass, and you carry on, but you take a part of that person or that experience with you.

All the days in our lives are filled with such moments. And all the days are filled with decisions. When I wake up this morning, will I choose to walk or to drive? Will I take the subway or the bus? Will I wear the brown pants or my blue jeans? Will I stop for a coffee on the way? Will I be on time for work? When I get to the junction, will I turn right or left? Who will cross my path today? Who will touch my life? And I think how every seemingly insignificant decision can change the course of our whole lives…

Perhaps it will… perhaps it won't.

This is the beauty… that we never really know. That in each moment exists the potential for such immense change in our life. That within each moment exists beauty and love and truths that we will never understand.

And do we believe in fate… do we believe in a universe that is aligned and all that is meant to be in our lives will be? Or do we want to believe that we are in control… that each decision we make will change the course.. that there is no destiny.

I don't have the answers. I'll believe what I believe. You'll believe what you believe. It doesn't much matter what we think… the fact is these moments do exist. So profound sometimes… yet so subtle that we may not even notice them. We look back sometimes and we cannot even remember the moment in which our whole life changed. But the moment is there.

Whether we see it or not… the moment is there.

Skeleton Key

I've been carrying this key around in my pocket
A reminder
of all the doors I have yet to open

well now I'm carrying this key in my hand
I turn it over and over in my palm
Consider all the possibilities
Consider all the doors I have yet to open

So much potential
If only I can let go of the fear that has always held me back

I think about leaping
Will the net appear?

I think about standing on the edge of the cliff
And just letting go
Will I fall… or will I fly?

There is only one way to know
I know this…
There is only one way to know……

The Giving Tree

i know not the words to put to these feelings
i know not the words...

hands touch
lightening strikes
and a tree falls to the ground

there is sadness in its falling
there is love in its falling

only the stump remains

....... yet, the tree is happy

Junction

all around me are junctions

knowing not what to do
knowing not where to go
knowing not how to contain all of you inside of me

i stand at the crossroad
and look to the right and the left and way off up ahead
yet i do not see the answer

i try to have faith they will unfold before me
things will be clear

where will i live?
where will i work?
what is my purpose?
how will i play?
who will i love?

and when the answers come
when they are right there in front of me

...will i even know?