connection

sometimes i feel connected to everyone.

i can almost picture little invisible threads running here and there... a giant spider web connecting each and every one of us. i believe people come into our lives just when they are meant to. we usually don't expect them.. we often don't know why they have come or how long they will stay. all we know is that the connection with them is so great that there is no question that this is how things are meant to be. we can just feel it.

i believe that there are reasons for things much beyond our comprehension. there are reasons for people coming and going... there are reasons for the connections. the same way there are reasons that when we reach for a random book on our shelf and open to a random page, there is a message that we are meant to read. it always works this way for me... always.

i'll do it once again... today.. what is the message I need?

Connect with nature. Taking time to absorb and soak up nature is a powerful way to connect with the universe and hear the voice of our soul. Honoring nature honors our connection to the universe and to ourselves. It's easy to drive by a lake and not see it; drive across a river and not feel it; or let the sun rise or set without noticing it. Make a commitment to begin now to notice, see, and feel all the nature around you. Touch that tree. Feel it. Stand by it a moment. Put both hands on it. Silently ask it to take your fears and give you some energy. Then remember to thank it when you're done. Don't just walk from your car to your house at night. Look up at the evening sky. See the stars. Feel their light, their power, their rays. Begin to notice the moon in all her stages. Begin to make it a habit to notice, see, feel, and connect with all the forces of nature around you. Watch how you begin to change as a result of deliberately acquiring this habit. Begin to let the earth call to you, show you her favorite spots for you. Are there places to visit around you - natural wonders of beauty - that speak to you? Take the time, gather the money (often it doesn't cost that much), and see what Mother Earth wants to show you. - from 'Finding Your Way Home' by Melody Beattie

didn't i say it... the message was perfect. did you notice that the title of this is connection and the first word on the page I randomly opened in that book was connect. I only noticed this after I first posted it. This couldn't have been more perfect for me right now. I have been craving that connection to nature. sometimes i just want to run away from this city.. just get in my car and drive until i reach a place far away from everything. I long to lay down beside a tree... staring up at the sky for hours and listening to the breeze blowing through the leaves. I so love listening to the leaves talk to each other.. laugh together.

I will find a way.. soon I will find a way.

lost and found

I know there is nothing anyone can do or say to make me feel better. I know that it's up to me to find my own truth.. to find my own happiness. Sometimes I reach out.. I think I just want to be taken care of... I want someone else to make things better for me. But deep down, I know it doesn't work like that. I know that isn't possible. I have spent my whole life taking care of myself... growing up there was never anyone there to comfort me or to wipe the tears from my eyes. As an adult, I found support and comfort in my friends. But I also know that those friends can only do so much.. the rest I have to do on my own. I think it's okay to reach out.. but also to remember to reach inside to the deepest and strongest part of myself. Only I hold the key to my own happiness.

So, today, I try to wipe away the tears and force myself to get off this couch. I'll have a shower, get dressed and head out into the world. I'm trying hard to face the changes that are coming.. that are already here. I'm trying not to dwell in the sadness.

Right now I feel lost... but I long to find myself.