Risk

"And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." [ANAIS NIN]

I wish that every person would reach that point some time in their life - when the risk it took to remain within the comfortable life that they were used to would be overpowered by the desire for more. I do not wish this because I want to cause uproar and confusion, but because I think it is important to question our lives – to live to the fullest. I believe there is potential for happiness – in all aspects of life. I believe there is more sometimes than what we choose to allow into our lives. What is it that we are afraid of? I see so many people who find comfort in their unhappiness because it doesn't involve risk – it is at least predictable. And I wonder to myself how it is that there are so many beautiful people who do not even know of their own beauty – so many people who do not know how to love themselves. So many people who will choose to never be free.

I won't pretend to know the answers today – not even of my own life. All I know is that today, for me,… it is more painful to remain where I am, than to see where I can go. I don't expect every person will reach this point – many will never allow themselves.

Sometimes I wish I could go off to another country, another planet – and just find myself there and maybe then it would be clear what I want from this life and this world. What a silly place it is where we are supposed to only love one other person – of the billions of people – the thousands that will cross paths with our own lives. I did not choose this. I do not pretend to know how to do this. With this I may forever struggle, or I may meet that person one day who fulfills me in so many ways that I never dream of needing or loving another again.

I suppose there is a part of me that will always wonder "what if?" – to various questions, various people. I suppose there is a part of each and every one of us that wonders "what if I had chosen to turn left instead of right today". What if I had chosen to accept that other job, date that other person… who would I be today? I suppose we will always question these things. I suppose this is normal.

I just want a peaceful life – a happy life. I want to love and feel loved. I want to be surrounded by good friends. I want to be comfortable. I want to feel free to breathe, to play, to sing and dance, to be who I really am. I want this not only for myself – I want it for every person.
Is that all too much to ask?